Guest Writings
 14/11/03 Shit in yer shoe by Edward Teague

Paul Bremer, smart suited, desert booted bag carrier for Henry K must have felt some joker had shit in his shoe when told to head back to Washington this week.

Dubya’s hastily called White House post-war pow wow with Condi, Colin, and Dick with assembled grim faced military and CIA strategists had his SAT’s and term papers in, and boyah, they don’t like what they see. Maybe Bremer was thinking, "I should’a stayed back in Baghdad and maybe seen the Polish premier after all".

The CIA says that they have been talking to the Iraqi’s on the street and they don’t seem to like the US military presence and if they have not lost faith, they are losing it fast.

The UN pulled out most folks weeks ago, followed by the International Red Cross and Medecin sans Frontieres, not because their job was done – they just didn’t feel safe any more.

The Polacks took a hit , the Turkish and Jordanian Embassies did as well – which may have helped the plucky, loyal Turks to decide not to send in any troops after all.

Now Goddam it Bremer, we got a whole platoon of ITALIANS blown to bits

The best laid plans…

This wasn’t the way it was to be. Dubya must be thinking. Mission accomplished, the gamble had finally and fully paid off. The war was waged, the war was won.

So far, so good said the Washington wackos, the neo-con conmen of the Beltway, who had been plotting and planning this glorious outcome for years. The geriatric gunsels could put away the guns, stop kickin’ the commies and get down to the real business…..

Extending the Empire and making money. "Riches" as Samuel Johnson remarked, "beyond the dreams of avarice". The fix was in.

The war, an endless bonanza for the defence contractors, elides into "post war reconstruction", an endless bonanza for the construction, supplies and utilities industry.

Naturally the oil industry, the refiners, the gas companies will be sharing in all this hoopla. OPEC is tamed, the mighty dollar remains (for the time being) triumphant and Bush 2004 will be a shoo in.

Blair the limey political cross dresser took his balls in his hand and crushed his critics. He has delivered the necessary fig leaf of international support, his oily diplomats squeezed through a resolution at the UN that everyone could live with.

Now we have all the low level street warfare starting throughout the Mid-East. Mercifully the front line in the fight against terrorists is far from Georgetown, the continuing street fighting is a price to pay we will be told as the US , who can now hold OPEC in check are safe for energy supplies for the foreseeable future.

Now Major General Charles Swannick CO of the 82nd Airborne tells us "I believe Saddam Hussein always intended to fight an insurgency should Iraq fall," and he’s the guy responsible for combat operations in the lower Sunni Triangle, the most unstable part of Iraq.

The bastards out there

Now the bastards are hitting on him. This Jessica Lynch and the lying bastard reporter with their piss poor book, are making the whole thing look like a celluloid weepie, with that bastard Larry Flint hustling more trouble with nekked pictures of the heroes heart throb.

Now the dollars of deceit are kicking in, flooding the souks, probably from those Iranian bastards who still have the Shah’s Giori intaglio presses that those German Koenig & Bauer machine minders keep working for them. What did that Lenin say about destroying the currency? Now the drug dealers in Afghanistan are wanting to be paid in Euros and the Beirut moneychangers won’t deal dollars anymore.

The Kirkuk pipelines not working yet, and the rump of Ba’athist crooks who were shovelling a $billion a year into their back pockets shipping through the Jordanian Zurqua refinery to Aquaba are getting very antsy now their sole source of income has been cut off. The CIA are hinting that they are now dealing the dope to our boys – I mean there’s no drink, no go-go girls and lots of time and plenty of money.

To cap it all Condi (Christ she’s a tower of strength when she’s needed) tells me Chalabi – (Shit why did I listen to those Langdale hi-brows and faceless no-nos?).. now he’s telling us to get out.

On top of all this Henry K, Perle, Wolfie, Armitage, are crappin’ their pants about this Khodorkovsky who Putin has banged in the slammer. Those Zionist bastards are really shovelling the sewage into the fan and Putin is threatening to sell his gas and oil to my friend Schroeder in goddam Euros.

Now I’ve got to go and meet the Queen and her fudge packing son and future king. Streets filled with screaming commie limeys, can’t address their Parliament, can’t have a full dress parade, what the fuck am I going to do for three fucking days ?

Congress, Senate swallowed the $87Bn Bill. The public – well the jury is out, but the shouting has started. Gas prices shooting up, home heating soaring….

As Paul Bremer heads for the door, George can see the November triumph slip slidin’away. Even Dean is taking the piss in his campaign ads with pictures of him in flying gear.

He bends down and feels his shoe. Christ there’s a turd in the toe!

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